Understanding Motivations Of Your Significant Other Having Another Partner
The title of this article is specific: “Should I Let My Wife Have a Girlfriend?” This should not be taken as a myopic, basic view of relationships and their complexities. This article is unraveling some of the ideas and themes that people questioning the same thing you are have experienced. Hopefully this aids you in making decisions that can have a large impact on your relationships: both for the better and worse.
The question is simple enough, should I let my wife have a girlfriend? Yes, if you are open, honest, and understand the motivations, allowing your wife to have a girlfriend can add many amazing new layers to your relationship.
In the end, we are not counselors or therapists, and every relationship is unique in its own way. The following should serve as a guide or, at least, starting point for people wondering how to deal with their female partner wanting to explore other women.
Who's Idea Is It to Explore?
Depending on who raised the idea of exploring other women, the motivations will clearly be different. As with most anything in a relationship, openness, honesty, and transparency are key to a successful relationship. This only becomes more true when you begin to open the relationship up this way.
Your Wife is Raising the Idea
Firstly, If your wife feels comfortable enough to come to you with the notion that she is interested in trying to date or play with women you should consider yourself lucky – and NOT because people fetishize it. She trusts, cares for, and loves you enough to be completely open and honest about something that may have been very difficult for her to come to terms with on her own. Sharing it with someone else is an even larger step, and that person being the one they love, even more so.
If you are starting from this foundation she may have already answered some of the outstanding questions when she came to you, or you may have asked. The most important thing is to fully understanding the reasoning so people are not confused and unclear, and thus more likely to get hurt.
What is the Motivation Behind Your Wife Wanting to Date Another Woman?
- Homosexuality or Bisexuality – She may have had some notion that she had some attraction to women, possibly even from an early age, but may have never acted on it. This could be her feeling comfortable enough with you that she is able to come to you and wants to explore her possibly homosexual or bisexual side.
- The Fun of the Experience – She may be simply motivated by the zest, newness, and fun of trying a woman for the first time or again. Maybe she had a fun experience in college and she wants to relive those days, maybe she just truly appreciates the female form and wants to play without any emotion.
- She is Attracted to a Specific Woman – If this is the case it might be worth taking some extra time to ponder of the possible implciations. If it is less about exploration, and more about an attraction to one specific person, you have to ask yourself the important question: is this something that could end with me being kicked to the side? You might mitigate pain down the line by asking this question directly, however the problem is your wife may not know where it is going or why she feels the way she feels. You need to ask yourself and your partner if you both believe in each others relationship and bond strongly enough to hold strong or if anything changes to be completely honest.
- Polyamory – This is defined as the idea of sexual exploration with multiple partners while also having the consent of all those involved. If this is something she wants both of you to try in your own individual ways you will have to ask yourself what the pros and cons of this are. This is an entirely separate piece on its own.
You Are Encouraging Your Wife to Explore
- Sexually Exciting Idea – Perhaps you are aroused by the idea of two women together. Maybe you hope that one day this could turn into more where you might be included either sexually or as a voyeur. Be careful of assuming where the road might lead without discussion.
- Support Her Desires – Perhaps you are aware of some past “phases” that she has gone through and you want her to explore. Your sexual openness and strength of your relationship might bring you to the natural conclusion that you want to encourage her to do something she might herself be too timid to admit to herself or to you. Being a supportive voice can do wonders to open her sexuality and explorative side and could add a lot to your relationship as well.
- You Really Want Polyamory – The true reason behind your encouraging her to explore women is because it might allow you to explore with women or men yourself. Be careful that you are being honest with yourself about the motives behind your encouragement. We do not want to end up bordering on manipulation so that we can get our sexual desires fulfilled. Honest conversation is always the best route.
Who is Setting the Rules and Boundaries?
Are Both People Allowed to See Different People and Will You Share?
Tying back to our discussion of motives and original bringer of the idea, we should elaborate on what her exploration would mean n your end. Dependent on your situation it is good to consider a few factors that will likely make an appearance as sticking points as you progress through this new chapter in your relationship. It would be wise to consider a few of the following questions as you move forward:
- Would you feel comfortable with her dating or having sex with other women while you are not able to see other people?
- Who has set the rules on who can and cannot see other people? Has it been a fair and balanced agreement?
- Is this relationship going to verge into polyamory?
- Will we ever share our partners with each other?
- Is this purely sexual or will there be emotions, dating, or “girlfriends” involved?
Are You Considering Polyamory?
We touch on the topic of polyamory a few times as it very closely tied to this question. It is important because if the rules are set that only the wife is allowed to see other women and the other partner is himself not allowed to experience more there is potential for bitterness. Jealousy also can show its head when your mind starts to wander. “Why does she get to have fun, sex, and experiences that I don’t?”
Often, to avoid this, couples follow an open relationship type of model so that everyone is able to explore however they see fit or within whatever bounds the couple sets. This often leads to multiple people being involved and crossing each other paths at very degrees or not at all. Polyamory and its offshoots are a long and involved discussion that with more extensively cover in another article. For now, just remember to keep that concept in mind.
Things to Try Before Committing to a Big Relationship Change
Often couples discuss things they might fantasize about, their deepest desires, and fetishes which they have not fully developed but are fun to put out into the open. There are a few ways to go about exploring these ideas without taking the full plunge when it comes to something involving other people joining your relationship.
Roleplay
Roleplay is a powerful tool and does not have to be overtly sexual depending on the motivations behind your wife wanting to find a girlfriend or another sexual partner. You could remain home and text your wife as she is out at the bar with her friends. Maybe she let’s you know which women at the bar she finds attractive and why. You can return texts that encourage her, possibly even help turn her on to the idea.
This will help you both experience what it might be like if she actually went through with it. You can walk through the scenarios, emotions, and conversations in real time and have the ability to deconstruct how you both felt. Was it fun, scary, exciting, arousing, intoxicating?
Pornography
In general, we support that notion that couples should watch pornography together and separately to really hone in on their sexual relationship and help open it up. And because its fun. If this is something you have done in the past or doesn’t feel out of line, you can search for videos dealing with multiple women, different types of sharing scenarios involving multiple women, and whatever else fits your style.
Once you’ve masturbated together over the idea, it might help bring more clearly into focus what it is you are both trying to achieve from sharing. Maybe having a mutual orgasm over the idea was all you actually needed and the issue ends there. Maybe it makes it crystal clear that this is what you both want and need or perhaps it confirms that your wife really is just attracted to one singular woman and it is not purely sexual. Pornography can breed discussion.
Sex Dolls For Couples
Though sex dolls have taken on some negative stereotypes in their time, conjuring images of men who cannot find real women, the truth of the consumer is very different. In fact, one of the largest markets for new, realistically made love dolls, are couples. Many couples find that this is the most emotional safe way to sexually experiment with other people because there is no fear of an “actual” person coming between them.
We have a much more involved article dealing with couple and sex or love dolls in their relationship. Please have a read through and feel free to browse through their offerings. Joy Love Dolls has an amazingly realistic offering of dolls that are perfect for couples and fit any type of body preference and style. It is amazing how far love dolls for couples have come – take a look at the girls below by clicking. They have many more pictures, fully nude, as well as a number of sex toys for exploring couples.
